When I got back from burying my mom all I remember was passing out on the wooden hard floor. I woke up covered in my own vomit and immediatly got up to clean it. When I grabbed the paper towel I felt a sharp sense of nasuea in my stomach and ran to the trash can to puke. When I went back to the vomit to clean it up, I felt an immense amount of shame and guilt wash over me and I fell to the ground. My mind wouldn't shut up at me, my thoughts screamed "This is your fault, you are the reason your mom is dead. If you had just shut up she would be alive right now." I started to do anything to not think these thoughts. I started beating my head in to knock myself out but that didn't work. I couldn't knock myself out so I just broke my nose, blood seeping out of my nose like a waterfall of dark crimson. When I realize that beating myself wouldn't work I started yelling at myself. "stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. Please don't think please dont think please" my howls of pain sounded inhuman, almost schizophrenic in tone. No matter how loud I screamed my thoughts would always be louder. The thoughts calmed down finally and I went to the bathroom to look at the damage I did to my nose

I don't like looking in the mirror because I don't recognize the face staring back at me